Concerned about hot post-election tempers and the fractured nature of the American polity (and always after an excuse to drink like mad), my roommates and I threw a smashing election party on the night of the 2nd. We invited our most radical friends from both sides, served drinks in red and blue cups (“party self-identification”), and nicely avoided stewing in front of the television all night cursing the other half of America in a blind rage. This was also a chance to display a healthy contempt for the political process and its probably irrelevant outcome by partying through the wearying hours of exit polls and electoral vote counts.

My vision: four years from now, election parties will spread across the land, partisans of all stripes will be brought together, and the jagged rift in our nation can begin to heal! People of America, please, please care LESS! Or at least, drink yourselves silly!